I Wouldn't Change You
by Hideki LaShae
Summary: Bakura asks Ryou why he never begs for him to stop beating on him. Ryou’s reply is “I love you,” but Bakura doesn’t understand the true meaning behind those words.


I Wouldn't Change You

By

Hideki LaShae

Bakura, the evil spirit of the Millennium Ring granted his own body by ancient magic, slides the knife blade through the delicate white skin. He sees his lighter side, Ryou Bakura, wince in pain, and he sees the tears flowing down from the eyes.

Ryou bites down on his tongue so that he doesn't cry out. His tears slide down his cheeks from his chocolate brown eyes.

"Beg…"

"Huh?" asks Ryou wiping his eyes quickly even though his entire body is now thoroughly bruised and hurting.

"Beg. Beg me to stop hurting you. Beg for mercy! It's not that hard!" exclaims Bakura glaring at Ryou with dark brown eyes.

"What good would begging do? You wouldn't stop, and it would only prove how weak I am," says Ryou, "I know I'm weak. You know I'm weak. There's no use begging."

Bakura licks his knife clean of Ryou's blood. He hits Ryou in the jaw. "Why do you never beg? I might stop if you did. Maybe the only reason I don't stop is because I'm waiting to hear you beg! Why do you never beg?"

"I love you," says Ryou with a gentle smile. He closes his eyes as he succumbs to the pain, and he passes out. His white hair falls over his face and his head lulls forward.

"What kind of response is that?" asks Bakura angrily, "You never beg because you love me? What the hell!" For a moment, he watches Ryou's blood soak into the rug, but then he lifts his hikari from the floor and carries him into the bathroom to place him in the tub. He washes the boy and stops the flow of blood from his pale chest. Then he applies the disinfectant from the medicine cabinet and wraps bandages around all the wounds before carrying Ryou into the bedroom and placing him in the bed to rest. He sits down in the chair beside the bed and watches Ryou sleep. He thinks about the young, innocent boy, _'What could Ryou possibly love about me? I beat him to an inch of his life, and I know that one day, I'll even take that inch too. Why would he love me? Does he want to try to change me? Is that what love is to him? Does he want me to be sweet and innocent like he is? Does he think that he can change me through love? Well, I have news for you, Ryou! You can't change ME! No one can change me! I like the way I am!'_

Ryou curls up into a ball and shivers.

Bakura stands and pulls the blanket over Ryou. "You love me? How am I supposed to respond to that?"

Ryou smiles lightly and snuggles into the warmth of the blanket.

Bakura closes the window and locks it. Then he heads back downstairs and turns the TV on. He adjusts the volume to a low level and lies on the couch to watch a movie so scary that it would give Ryou nightmares for the rest of his life. _'Ryou? Why do you never beg me to stop? You love me? Is it really so simple as that? Could he really have fallen in love with someone that beats him, cuts him, threatens to kill him, and would actually do it? How…? How can someone so sweet and innocent, who's never even had an impure thought or an erection to take care of, ever fall in love with someone who murders, vandalizes, and steals? Wait… that's it! He hasn't fallen in love with me! I've stolen his heart! Well, all I have to do is give it back, and then he can start begging me when I'm hurting him! It will be so much fun to break his spirit… Make him beg for me to stop only to continue on while he pleads like the bleeding heart he is!'_

Bakura closes his eyes and yawns. _'First thing tomorrow, I'll give him back what I have stolen.'_

A scream breaks the silence of the night. "Kura!"

Bakura's eyes widen, and for a moment, he glares at the staircase. But then he feels the fear emanating through the bond he still shares with Ryou, and he races up the stairs. He knocks Ryou's bedroom door down and stands in the darkened entranceway. "What the hell are you screaming about, Ryou?"

Ryou lies in the bed, clutching the blanket to his chest, and trembling enough for the bed to rattle. "I… I… I'm sor… sorry, Bak… Kura! I'm sorry!"

Bakura walks over to the bed and sits down on it beside Ryou. "What are you shaking for?"

"N-nightmare!" exclaims Ryou.

Bakura notices the salty tears streaming down Ryou's face, and he bends down to lick them away. "Mmm… salty. I should make you cry more often! Tell me about this n-nightmare!"

"You… you…"

"I what?"

"You let Marik have me!" exclaims Ryou.

"What the fuck?" Bakura's eyes widen drastically. "Why the hell would I let Marik have you? You are my hikari, and you are my punching bag!"

Ryou blushes and looks away from Bakura.

Bakura's eyes narrow suspiciously. "That wasn't what you meant. What did Marik do to you in that dream of yours?"

Ryou rolls over onto his stomach with a wince and buries his face into his pillow. "I don't want to talk about it, Bakura."

"I don't give a fuck!" exclaims Bakura grabbing Ryou and forcing him onto his back once more. He straddles Ryou and pins his wrists above his head. "What the fuck did Marik do to you in that Ra-forsaken dream?"

"That's exactly it!" Ryou's tears fall more freely as he struggles against Bakura.

"What?" Bakura holds Ryou down while thinking over his words once more. _'What the fuck did Marik do to you in that Ra-forsaken dream? Marik… Ra-forsaken… dream… fuck, I have no idea… Fuck! Marik was fucking my hikari! Oh, hell no!'_

"Kura," moans Ryou as he cries.

"Was he fucking you? Did you dream of him fucking you?" asks Bakura slapping Ryou hard.

"He… You gave me to him… so he could rape… me," sobs Ryou.

Bakura pulls Ryou up into an embrace. "You should know better! I'd never give you to him! You are my toy! He can go fuck himself for all I care!"

Ryou sobs into Bakura's shoulder. He clutches Bakura's shirt tightly.

"Don't worry," says Bakura softly, "I'll never let Marik have you. I'll kill him first before he even tries! Only I get to fuck you!"

Ryou freezes. His entire body tenses, and he suddenly shoves Bakura away with more strength than either of them even thought he might possess. "Get the hell away from me! Stay away! Stay away!"

Bakura blinks at Ryou in confusion. He glares at the angelic boy. "What the fuck was that for? For once in my Ra-forsaken life, I decide to be somewhat nice to you and comfort you because you're crying more than the sky, and you shove me! You fucking ingrate!"

Ryou glares at Bakura just as fiercely as his darker half glares at him. "You can hit me all you want to, Bakura! But I'm not about to let you rape me! Hurt me to your heart's content, but my virginity is mine to give, and I'm not letting you steal that from me!"

"What the fuck? Why the hell would I want to sleep with you? You're pathetic!" exclaims Bakura, "Just because I won't let Marik have you, doesn't mean I want you!"

"Good! Get out of my room, Bakura!" exclaims Ryou.

Bakura slaps Ryou. "I don't obey you! You obey me, Ryou!"

"Get out!" screams Ryou.

Bakura sits down in the chair beside the bed. "Shut up, and go to sleep!"

"Get out," says Ryou, panting slightly from all his yelling and screaming.

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep here," says Bakura leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes. "Don't have any more nightmares!"

Ryou turns his back to Bakura and curls up beneath the blanket. He blushes slightly at Bakura's protectiveness over him. He yawns and closes his eyes. "Good night, Kura."

"Night, Ryou," whispers Bakura. _'He loves me? How? Why? All I've ever done is hurt him, and yet he loves me… Stupid hikari! Stupid, stupid, stupid…'_

_

* * *

_

Bakura wakes up to the smell of fresh tea and crumpets. He stands up and stretches before heading downstairs to the kitchen. He yawns exasperated. "What's for breakfast? None of that English crap, I hope!"

"Good morning to you too, Kura," says Ryou setting a plate in front of his aggravated yami.

Bakura looks over the food. He pokes the egg yolks with his fork to get them to run in little yellow rivers down towards his bacon and hash browns. He takes a bite and chews it up. _'Mmm… delicious.'_ He takes another bite and talks with his mouth full. "What is this crap?"

Ryou points to each food as he says the name. "Eggs, prepared over-easy. Bacon, precooked and microwave heated. Hash browns, precooked and microwave heated. Toast with strawberry jam. Coffee with cream and sugar. Before you complain, it is not an English breakfast. It is more of an American breakfast."

"It tastes terrible!" exclaims Bakura eating the food hungrily. _'So good! So good! I want this for dinner and supper too!'_

"I'm sorry, Bakura," says Ryou sitting down with his cup of tea and small plate of crumpets.

"Is that all you're eating?" asks Bakura eyeing the minimal food on Ryou's plate.

"This is a typical English breakfast," says Ryou.

"Here," says Bakura holding out a piece of bacon towards Ryou, "at least have one of these meat slice things!"

Ryou takes the piece of bacon and blushes. "If you insist, Kura."

"Eat the damn thing before I shove it down your throat!" exclaims Bakura.

Ryou eats the bacon slowly while Bakura devours his own breakfast. He eats his crumpets and drinks his tea before going to grab his bag of schoolbooks. "I have to get to school now, Kura. I'll be home right after."

"You'd better be, Ryou! If you're even a minute late, you will regret it!" exclaims Bakura as Ryou heads out the door.

* * *

Ryou steps into the house and closes the door. He drops his bag on the floor as he's suddenly thrown against a wall. "Kura?"

"You're late!" growls Bakura punching Ryou in the lower back.

Ryou falls to the floor. "What?"

"School gets out at three and six! It only takes five minutes to get from the school to here! It is now at three and eight! You are late!" exclaims Bakura lifting Ryou and showing him the blade he's brought with him.

"I'm sorry, Kura," says Ryou, "I had to arrange to do a project with a classmate."

"Stupid!" exclaims Bakura ripping Ryou's shirt open and running the length of the blade over the bandages to cut them off and dig into the flesh beneath.

Ryou clenches his eyes closed, but he doesn't make a sound.

Bakura runs his hand across the pale white skin before sinking the knife blade all the way in between two ribs.

Ryou's eyes widen and he bites his tongue to stop his scream of pain, turning it into a whimper instead. Tears stream down his cheeks.

"Beg…"

"What?" asks Ryou looking at Bakura through teary eyes.

"Beg. Beg me to stop hurting you. Beg for mercy!" exclaims Bakura glaring into the chocolate brown eyes with his own dark brown.

"No. You wouldn't stop if I did, and I won't admit how weak I am… not to you… not to anyone," says Ryou.

Bakura pulls the knife from Ryou's ribcage. "Why do you never beg? Why do you never scream in pain? Why do you never ask me to stop treating you this way?"

"I love you," says Ryou, "I love you, Kura." He closes his eyes.

Bakura drops the knife on the tile floor and scoops Ryou into his arms. He rushes his innocent partner into the bathroom and places him in the bathtub. Pulling an old towel from the linen closet, he presses down upon the deeper wound to stop the bleeding. "You're lucky that I know where your every vital organ is, Ryou. I didn't puncture anything. Are you awake?"

Ryou doesn't make a sound nor open his eyes, even though he is completely awake and feeling a good deal of pain coming from the wound Bakura's trying to close.

"Dammit, Ryou! You bleed too much!" exclaims Bakura lifting Ryou again. He carries Ryou out of the house quickly, and he runs towards the hospital, thankful that Ryou showed him where it was when they had the tour of Domino. He rushes through the doors of the emergency room, and he heads up to a woman sitting behind a desk. "He's been stabbed, and he won't stop bleeding."

"Oh, dear!" exclaims the nurse, "Doctor!"

Bakura growls as some people remove Ryou from his arms and take him away.

"How was he stabbed?" asks the nurse.

"I don't know. Ask him," says Bakura, "I just found him bleeding! He's my brother." He heads over to a seat and collapses into it to wait until he can see Ryou again. He closes his eyes and remembers Ryou's words to him.

"Mr. Bakura?" The voice snaps Bakura out of his thoughts, and he looks up at an elder man.

"What the hell do you want?" snaps Bakura.

"I came to tell you that your brother is going to be just fine," says the doctor, "He said that he was mugged on his way home from school. You might want to think about driving him there and back for awhile."

Bakura nods. "You've got the bleeding stopped?"

"Yes, and we've stitched his wound closed. He'll need to be careful for awhile, but he'll be fine."

"I want to take him home," says Bakura.

"Of course. He's free to leave once he wakes up. We had to give him a sedative while we worked on him. He was rather insistent that we don't stitch him closed. Very peculiar," says the doctor.

"How long until he wakes?" asks Bakura.

"It shouldn't be much more than an hour," says the doctor.

Bakura looks at the clock on the wall. "Fine! Whatever!"

The doctor nods and walks away from Bakura.

Bakura sighs and waits until he can take Ryou home.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Kura," says Ryou following Bakura into the house.

"You'd better be! You made a giant mess on the floor, and you made me miss supper!" exclaims Bakura storming into the kitchen.

Ryou walks into the kitchen to see Bakura rifling through the freezer. "Can I help you find something?"

Bakura pulls out frozen lasagna and tosses it onto the counter. He slams the freezer door closed and starts to glare at the package. "Where's the oven?"

Ryou walks over to the oven and checks inside to make sure it's empty before turning it on to preheat. He grabs a cookie sheet and walks over to the counter. "I'll make dinner, Kura."

Bakura grabs the cookie sheet from Ryou and slams it on the counter. He rips the cardboard box open and puts the lasagna onto the cookie sheet. He removes the aluminum foil covering the pan.

Ryou takes the foil and bends it so that it will stand up away from the lasagna's surface during cooking, and he places it back on the lasagna. "Okay… When the oven beeps, it's ready to go in."

Bakura turns around and pushes Ryou towards the entrance hall. "Clean up your mess!"

"Yes, Kura," says Ryou.

Bakura puts the lasagna into the oven while Ryou scrubs the tiles to get his blood from them. He walks into the entranceway and leans against the wall. "How long does this frozen meat-sickle cook?"

"Almost two hours," says Ryou looking at his watch.

"Two hours. That will be when?" asks Bakura.

"Eight o'clock," says Ryou scrubbing the floor particularly hard.

"Eight…"

"When the little hand is on the eight and the big hand is on the twelve. I'll check on it later."

"Good! Tell me when it's done!" exclaims Bakura heading into the living room to watch TV.

* * *

"Beg…"

"I can't, Kura. I won't…"

"Why not?"

"I love you," says Ryou with a small smile.

Bakura punches Ryou again.

Ryou closes his eyes and falls unconscious.

Bakura lifts Ryou into his arms and carries him to bed. "You love me? How am I supposed to respond to that?"

Ryou snuggles up to the blanket after Bakura covers him with it.

Bakura sits down in the chair and watches Ryou sleep.

* * *

Several days pass with the typical beatings, and each day Bakura asks Ryou why he doesn't beg him to stop.

Ryou walks into the house at three-forty and flinches. When no blow comes, he opens his eyes and looks around, only to see a vast lack of Bakura. He hears the TV on and so he walks into the living room. He sees Bakura sitting on the couch looking for all the world like he's bored. He moves up in front of Bakura and kneels on the floor before him. He looks up at Bakura. "Aren't you going to beat me today?"

"Don't you want me to stop? Isn't that what this whole 'LOVE' thing is about?"

"No, Kura." Ryou shakes his head. "I wouldn't change you, Bakura. I love you."

Bakura blinks at Ryou in confusion.

Ryou blushes and quickly leans up to kiss Bakura on the lips.

Bakura pushes Ryou away. "What was that for?"

"Are you going to beat me now?" asks Ryou looking away from Bakura.

"Do you want me to?" asks Bakura standing up, "Do you like being beaten? Do you like it when I hurt you?"

"No…"

"Then what the hell is the point here? You love me, but you don't want me to stop hurting you. Yet you hate it when I do hurt you! Tell me, Ryou! What is the point?"

"I love you, Bakura. I don't like being hurt, but if it makes you happy, you can hurt me," says Ryou, "I won't complain."

Bakura grabs Ryou's arm roughly and pulls the albino up into his arms. He forces a rough kiss to Ryou's lips, and he smirks into the kiss when Ryou acquiesces to him completely. His hands slide to Ryou's ass, and he squeezes the plump cheeks.

Ryou shoves Bakura away roughly. "I will not let you rape me…"

"I don't understand you, Ryou!" shouts Bakura storming to Ryou's bedroom and slamming the door closed. _'He says he loves me. What is his ulterior motive? No one loves without reason. What's his? What does he want from me? He says he doesn't want me to change for him. I have no money and he doesn't want me stealing. Hey, wait a minute! I stole his heart! I was going to give it back and I never did! Stupid hikari made me forget!'_

Bakura moves to the door and swings it open. "Ryou, get your ass up here!"

After a few moments, Ryou appears in the doorway. "You bellowed, Your Highness?"

"Take it back!"

"Take what back?"

"Your heart!"

"Kura?"

"I stole your Ra-forsaken heart, now take it back!" exclaims Bakura glaring at Ryou.

"I can't take it back." Ryou slumps his shoulders and looks at the floor. "You don't understand, Kura."

"Explain it to me," hisses Bakura.

"You didn't steal my heart. I gave it willingly. I gave it because I wanted it. I can't take it back because I gave it up to you," says Ryou, "I want you to have it. Because I want you to have it, I can't take it back."

"I don't fucking understand you, Ryou!" shouts Bakura shoving Ryou out of the bedroom and slamming the door again. He falls down on Ryou's bed and curls into the blanket to go into a restless sleep.

* * *

Bakura wakes to a wonderful smell drifting from the nightstand. He rolls over and looks at the dinner plate filled with the foods he's sure he's told Ryou he hated most, the very same foods that are his absolute favorites. He looks around the room and sees the bathroom door open. He hears the sound of the bathwater being made. He stands and lifts the plate. He starts to eat as he walks to the door and looks through the entranceway to see Ryou filling the bathtub while he undresses slowly. "Ryou! Why did you make me this crap! I thought I told you that I hate it!"

"I know what you said," says Ryou looking over his shoulder at Bakura, "But I also know what you mean. The stronger you protest about something, and the more you say you hate it, it means that you like it."

Bakura blinks at Ryou and eats another bite of the egg roll on his plate. _'How could he read me so well when I don't know him at all?'_

Ryou blushes and turns the bathwater off. "But you do know me, Kura."

"What?" asks Bakura with wide eyes and trembling hands.

"Um… Could you turn around while I get in the bath?" asks Ryou.

"I'll do no such thing! And you aren't even undressed yet!" exclaims Bakura.

Ryou pushes his pants down his legs to reveal a very bare, delicate butt and smooth legs. He kicks his pants away and climbs into the water. He tries to keep his back to Bakura as he slides down into the water.

Bakura stares intently at Ryou's pale skin and eats the rest of his food rapidly. He doesn't even realize that his plate's empty until his teeth clang on the empty fork. He sets the plate on the bathroom counter. _'What the hell do you want from me, Ryou?'_

"I don't want anything from you, Bakura." Ryou lifts the soap and starts to scrub himself.

_'Is he reading my mind?'_

"No… I'm not reading your mind. You're sending your thoughts to me through our mind link," says Ryou, "You haven't forgotten about that, have you? Yugi and Yami hide no thoughts from each other. Their mind link is always open, and they share everything. While we could never be like that, it does sound wonderful, but that is not what I want. What I want from you is your happiness."

Bakura quickly sheds his clothes and climbs into the bathwater behind Ryou.

Ryou gasps. "Bakura!"

Bakura pulls Ryou into his lap as he sits in the comfortably warm water. "I don't understand you, Ryou."

"Sometimes, Kura, neither do I," whispers Ryou leaning back against Bakura.

"If I loved you in return, would you let me fuck you?"

Ryou tenses. "Not at first. Eventually, maybe."

Bakura nods.

Ryou looks into Bakura's dark brown eyes. "Do you love me?"

"What's there to love?" snaps Bakura. _'Except everything you are.'_

_'I heard that, Kura.'_

_'I know you did.'_

Ryou smiles and grabs the bar of soap to start cleaning Bakura, much to Bakura's surprise.

Bakura relaxes and allows Ryou to wash him.

"Why didn't you beat me today?" asks Ryou.

"I didn't feel like it."

"Oh. If you feel like it, you can beat me tomorrow."

"Why not tonight?"

"Because after our bath, you should go to bed and get some sleep. You haven't been sleeping well recently," says Ryou passing the soap to Bakura and starting to wash the slightly taller boy's hair.

Bakura yawns. "Damn you for knowing me better than I do!"

* * *

Several days pass, and Ryou's beatings resume, although they are nowhere near as intense as the previous ones had been.

Ryou walks into the house at exactly three thirty and falls against the wall when the slap catches him off guard. "Kura?"

"Who else would it be?" replies Bakura glaring at Ryou.

"Were you waiting here for me?" asks Ryou.

"I've been standing here for the last thirty minutes," says Bakura grabbing Ryou's shirt collar and hauling him to his feet. He drags Ryou into the living room and throws him onto the couch. "Why don't you ever beg me to stop hurting you?"

"I love you, Kura," says Ryou looking at Bakura. He doesn't move from the sprawled out position in which he landed.

Bakura takes a deep breath. "You love me the way that I am? Even though I hurt you? Even though one day I'll end up killing you? How can you love me like that?"

"I just do."

"Why don't you ever ask me to change? It wouldn't be that hard to stop hurting you. Don't you want me to change?"

"I can't ask that…"

"You mean you won't. You don't want me to change for you because I could easily revert to what I am now," says Bakura sitting down on the floor beside Ryou, "but if I change for myself, because I want to be a better person for you… then I wouldn't change back because I would be happier that way. Don't you think?"

Ryou simply smiles.

"If I quit beating you… would you still love me?"

Ryou's smile widens. "You could destroy the entire world, rape me, kill me… You could be just like the pharaoh and risk your life to save everyone you hate, and I would still love you just as much as I do now. No matter what you do, I love you."

Bakura stares at Ryou as he contemplates those words.

_'I love you, Kura. I just… I'm not worth changing for. Only you are worth changing for. If you want to change, it has to be for yourself, and not for me.'_

_'I know. I understand you now, Ryou.'_

_'So what are you going to do about it? If you want to keep on the way we are, I will happy because you are happy.'_

"But I'm not!"

"What?"

"I'm not happy when I hurt you! That's why I wanted you to beg me to stop! I wanted you to be stronger. I didn't want you to need me. I didn't want to need you!" exclaims Bakura pulling Ryou off the couch into his arms. "I was always violent in the past, but I didn't want to be with you. I just didn't have a reason to change. I wanted you to beg to give me that reason."

"I don't want to be the reason you change. It has to be for you, to stop the endless cycle of your own hate," says Ryou holding Bakura tightly. He gasps when he feels something wet fall onto his shoulder.

Bakura's sobs shake his body as his tears fall from his eyes. "I hate myself…"

"There's no reason…"

"I hate myself because I hurt you. I hate myself because I care for you."

Ryou rubs Bakura's back. "Kura."

"I LOVE YOU, RYOU! AND I'M SO SORRY I'VE HURT YOU!" screams Bakura.

Ryou lifts Bakura's chin and kisses his forehead. "I love you, Kura."

"I love you, Ryou," whispers Bakura sealing their lips together in a kiss. _'And I don't ever want to hurt you again. I don't want to hurt the one I love… the one I live for.'_

_'It's about time you started to understand me, Kura!'_

_'I understand you a lot better than you think…'_ Bakura slides his hand down Ryou's pants and grips his lighter half's awakening manhood.

Ryou gasps and starts to tremble in fear. "No!"

Bakura clenches his eyes closed as images of himself savagely raping Ryou engulf his mind. "No!"

Ryou clenches his eyes shut as the hand down his pants squeezes him tighter.

Bakura sends different images into Ryou's mind… showing him slowly sucking Ryou's engorged member until he explodes with pleasure, gently preparing Ryou to accept his cock, sliding into Ryou slowly and rubbing his stomach to ease any pain that might be felt, a feral passion of two lovers pounding roughly together and screaming their enjoyment, his self on hands and knees in a subjugated manner as Ryou stands behind him impaling himself in the pliant ass.

Ryou gasps and starts bucking into the hand surrounding him. He stops shaking in fear and lets Bakura pleasure him like this. "Kura!"

Bakura pulls his wet, sticky hand from Ryou's pants and looks at the sexual discharge gracing his fingers. He smirks at Ryou and licks his fingers. "That's all you get for awhile, until you no longer have a reason to fear me."

Ryou nods his understanding.

Bakura moves away from Ryou, leaving the boy panting on the living room floor. He heads upstairs to the bathroom to clean his hands and body and think about how much better life will be while loving his light.


End file.
